Odd, huh?
Ex: One day someone said something that could have sliced my beliefs in shreds. People have left the LDS church over far less offensive things. It came from someone wearing a Senior Missionary badge and was inextricably intertwined with gospel and my personal history.
Anger would have been an appropriate reaction, but the anger would have eaten me alive, incinerated me from the inside out. Instead, it was intensely depressing.
While sinking into depression that afternoon, I clicked on Pandora and the first song that came up was Primal Fear, Church of Blood.
My first thought: "I'm going to hell. It's official."
Despair can make a person superstitious.
But it was worse than that. I felt a self-destructive surge as I began to believe what I had been told -- I was evil from birth.
It wasn't until the end of the song that I was able to hear the lyrics. Just in time:
Oh lord, my God - consider all the words thy hands
Have made
Your son - you sent him to die
I scarce can take it in
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to save me
From my sin
Have made
Your son - you sent him to die
I scarce can take it in
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to save me
From my sin
Wait. That's just like a Sacrament hymn. Maybe these guys have something to say.
I hit Replay.
Then I got it:
"To use a religion - increasing the terror"
Wait. The purpose of the Senior missionary's incendiary comments had been to induce fear, terror in me.
I doubt that Christ wanted any aspect of the gospel to induce fear. I may be wrong, but realizations I had when considering what the Senior missionary said were all fear-based.
The artists, Primal Fear in all it's talent-ial awesomeness, took it one step further. They gave it historical context.
My daughter and I have been studying the conquest of South America by conquistadors and how the native people's culture was devastated by the incoming conquering nations, Spain and France mostly.
What are they fighting for
They call it holy war
So many innocent have died
They call it holy war
So many innocent have died
... Ready to kill in the name
Of our Lord
Of our Lord
Wow. It's not just me. Entire nations have been brought to their knees. And then decapitated.
I found my hand was on my neck, feeling the warmth and sweetness of still having my head attached to my body.
See The Mission if you want a clear visual of what it was like when nations collided and Christianity was used as a justification for murder. Your local library probably has a copy of it.
Once I saw the historical context, I was able to let go of a heapload of the pain. I no longer took it personally. Instead of threatening my ability to go to church every Sunday, now I saw a poor, twisted soul using a principle of the gospel for their own gain -- and their own gain was to induce fear which allowed them to declare superiority.
On a micro-level it was the same dynamic in action. Superiority, control, power, judgement, all justified because scripture was used to justified a point.
Full lyrics below of Primal Fear's Church of Blood below. I'll never hear this song within the walls of an LDS church building, but in my heart and mind I will hear it and be strengthened by it.
--Heavy Metal Mormon Chick
"Church Of Blood" was written by Lasch, Matthias/ Naumann-Philipp, Thomas/ Scheepers, Ralf/ Sperling, Klaus.
Steel and fire
Spreading the holy word
Dirty liars
The truth has never been heard
Are you the own who think free
Or do you share this mad insanity
To use a religion - increasing the terror
Is much more that just a human error
Spreading the holy word
Dirty liars
The truth has never been heard
Are you the own who think free
Or do you share this mad insanity
To use a religion - increasing the terror
Is much more that just a human error
What are they fighting for
They call it holy war
So many innocent have died
They call it holy war
So many innocent have died
No democracy in the church of blood
There's no democracy
Welcome to the church of blood
There's no democracy
Welcome to the church of blood
Pray salvation
The promised paradise
Violent nations
Who kill and terrorize
Sowing the seeds of discord
Ready to kill in the name
Of our lord
Suicide victims setting their signs
Burning the books and the tales
The promised paradise
Violent nations
Who kill and terrorize
Sowing the seeds of discord
Ready to kill in the name
Of our lord
Suicide victims setting their signs
Burning the books and the tales
What are they fighting for
They call it holy war
So many innocent have died
They call it holy war
So many innocent have died
No democracy in the church of blood
There's no democracy
Welcome to the church of blood
There's no democracy
Welcome to the church of blood
Oh lord, my god - consider all the words thy hands
Have made
Your son - you sent him to die
I scare can take it in
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to save me
From my sin
Have made
Your son - you sent him to die
I scare can take it in
That on the cross
My burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to save me
From my sin
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